Chimpanzee that.

The longest serving astronaut in the japanese army is a chimp named bonanza-shitflask. He holds the record of surviving in zero-g for almost 34 minutes. This time was spent reorientating the shuttle capsule so that Bruce Willis could save the Earth.

Having a giraffe

It has been said that a giraffe can kill a man with nothing but his cold-hearted stare.

Clawing at peas

A Velociraptor is capable of opening a can of peas with little-to-no assistance.

Hyperdimensional

Cats are known to exist outside of normal time and space for approximately 24 minutes and 14 seconds of the day. This happens each day, every day regardless if leap-year or leap-second.

The G - Team

In the Pilot episode Gary Glitter played a 5th member of the A-Team named Mince, sadly the character never appeared in the show again.

Handy Fact

You can tell if someone is left or right handed very easily by asking them whether they are left or right handed or even on some occasions by observing which hand they hold a pen/pencil in when writing or drawing.

Let Them Spend Cake

In the most northern territories of Mexico, Jaffa Cakes can be used as legal tender.

XBOX 720

The xbox 360 is called so because it took 360 years to develop the technology required to power the fusion generator housed inside its casing. Microsoft are currently researching dark matter for use within the XBOX 720.

Origins

The phrase 'Chuck Norris' is from the french 'Chúeux Norrí', which literally translates as 'Man of God'

Blindsight

Spiders are blind in 5 of their eyes. The remaining 5 are limited to partial sight in the visible area of light spectrum.

Linen

Bed Linen is made from the tears of small animals. Cockpiece, the world's leading Linen producer, employs thousands of men and women around the world in factories specifically created to beat a variety of dogs, cats and mermaids and collect their tears.

Babies First Nunchucks

99.57% of all the worlds baby clothes are made by Super Ninjas

Pedofiles

Is has been scientifically observed that many biros contain the 'pedo-gene', a chromosome that makes them genetically susceptible to pedophilia. The gene, first observed in Michael Jackson in 1983, conditions its host and alters their behaviour, making them 87.4% more likely to touch a small child.

Most Wanted Gangster

For a short period of 2 months in the year 1983 the crime lord Jabba the Hutt was at number 1 in the FBI's most wanted list.

Bee-line

It has been scientifically proven that helicopters are a direct ancestor to the bumblebee and share the genetic gift of a built-in biological 'GPS' navigation system.

That's no Pope

Since the age of thirteen, the Pope has had the ability to shape-shift into the likeness of a variety of soap-actors. However, he retains his normal posture, gestures and voice.

String theory

The Tyrannosaurus rex was the only dinosaur with the capability to play the violin. A mixture of common sense and the fossil record indicates they may have progressed to the Cello had they not become extinct.

Insect heritage

Ants get their name from their inherent and potentially dangerous ability to excrete antimatter in their feces. It is yet unknown how they manage to prevent fecal antimatter to come into contact with matter itself, though it has been philosophised that if such incident were to occur the world may end in [what some scientists have named] fecalgeddon.

The Last Supperslam

Religous Historians have recently discovered reliable evidence in the form of an ancient tapestry that Jesus Christ was the first ever professional wrestler. The Tapestry depicts Jesus Christ Performing a Power Bomb on Mary Magdalen through a table at the Last Supper.